How To Keep Intimacy In Marriage
Ob/Gyn & Founder of Women’s Health and Sexual Wellness platform, Rosy, Lyndsey Harper, MD talks about the importance of keeping intimacy alive.
Let’s be honest – even when there is not a global pandemic that makes us have to wear our professional, domestic, social, parent, creative, self-care, fitness and teaching hats all at once, finding time to be intimate with our partners is not always easy.
It doesn’t matter who you are, what you do or what the state of the world is, the struggle and the juggle are real. But here’s the thing: even if you do have the time and opportunity to be intimate with your partner, you may find that you’re still hitting a roadblock.
While it may seem easier to simply pull the car over and wait for things to feel easier, I promise it’s well worth taking another route because the physical and mental benefits of intimacy cannot be denied.
For starters, physical touch and arousal allow us to connect with our partners in ways that we simply can’t do through conversation. It physically causes you to release all of those wonderful hormones that make you feel loved, safe, and excited. From finding deeper connection with your loved one to also finding deeper sleep, saving your sex life is well worth the fight.
In my experience as an ob/gyn and sexual medicine doctor, I’ve learned that many times we are simply too busy with daily tasks that we forget to prioritize these relationships. Other times, it’s due to having a low sex drive, stress, anxiety or other sexual problems. Frustrated when I couldn’t find a modern and accessible resource to help my many patients with this problem, I decided to create the app: Rosy.
Designed to start a conversation and connect women with low sexual desire with available resources, my goal is not only to improve desire, but also self-esteem, overall sexual health, and relationships with partners. From educational videos, to sexy short stories to guided sessions, women can find everything they need to help them find satisfaction in their sex lives.
Since launching Rosy a little over a year ago, we have learned so much about women and the challenges we face when it comes to sex.
Here are a few strategies our community has used to prioritize intimacy during this extremely stressful time:
Understand that desire does not have to be spontaneous.
Most women are not wired to just think about having sex out of nowhere. In fact, most women need to seek out things that arouse them in order to become aroused. Some ways to go about this are to read an erotic story, put on that song that always makes you think about sex, or smell your partners cologne. Use these as tools to accomplish your goal of being intimate more often.
Get comfortable with yourself first.
If you’re not feeling like you’re getting pleasure from sex, make some time for self pleasure to discover what you like. That way, you’ll be able to guide or ask your partner to try a different way to touch you.
Make time for sex.
Don’t wait for it to happen when you feel like it (it might never happen)! Some couples find that scheduling sex is extremely helpful. It can give you some time to prepare both mentally and physically and feel in control of the situation. Think outside of the box. Instead of waiting until the end of the night when you are exhausted from dinner/bath/bedtime, rethink your timing. Maybe set the alarm a little early, make it happen during a lunch break, or consider naptime now that many of us are working from home.
Remember when you looked forward to sex? It can be a fun, energizing outlet that is like no other. With so much of our normal entertainment absent, consider sex with your partner a time to unwind and enjoy your life together. Consider introducing something new to spice things up. You could get a new sex toy, sexy outfit, or consider reading an erotic story together. We could all use a little more fun these days!
Talk to your healthcare team.
If you have been struggling with low desire or other sexual problems for a while, consider talking to your physician or other healthcare provider. There are several supplements, medications, and other interventions that you may benefit from.
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